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[22 Dec 2009|03:34pm] |
you were sleeping on my couch. i was so tempted to snuggle up next to you.
sigh
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[21 Dec 2009|07:23pm] |
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mood |
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it's putting me in a funk, having you back in my life. I know that we promised eachother to be friends forever, but I also promised myself that I would kick you out of my life. I love you, you bastard. Why cant you understand that? I'm an adult, I'm perfectly capable of loving you. Stop seeing me like a child! I'm not a child, and I love you.
I don't see what's so much better about that stupid girl you're with. She has an annoying voice. I guess I can understand, so I take it back. She paid your phone bill after only a month of knowing you. Now you live with her, she buys your clothes, pays your phone bill, buys your cigarettes and weed, and feeds you. You've got a sugar mama. I can't be your sugar mama I guess...if that's what you want, you're where you need to be. But I still love you. I love you but I don't want to be your sugar mama. I don't want a child....a responsibility. You're more of her responsibility than her boyfriend, and you're not a catch at all.... Catching you on a fishing line is like trying to pull an anchor out of the sea.
Now you say she's the love of your life. THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE? If the right thing for me to do is shut my mouth while i'm hurting... and let you be... then hon, I need you to let me be. I can't have you flaunting all that in front of me...I can't have you talking about how you're in love to me. I can't be your best friend anymore.
You know that song by usher.... "before anything that came between us.. you were like my best friend. The one I used to go and talk to when me & my girl were having problems. You used to say it would be alright, suggest some nice things I should do.. but at night when I go home and lay my head down all i used to think about was you!!!"
I used to hope that someday that song would be to me. You would dedicate it to me and we would just hold eachother and kiss. I'm not a cuddly person, and I don't like kissing, but for some reason I feel like all that would be different with you. You can love anyone you want...but that chemical attraction...baby that's not something to scoff at... that's not something you choose.
Anyway, now that for some reason, you came back into my life. And you only seem to want to see me when YOU call. You dont take me seriously when I call you...i'm not going to call you. and it's going to take me a while to decide weather I want to answer for you. I don't think its right......
HERE IS WHERE THE CONFUSION SETS IN THOUGH...Majorly split in half
You said I was like your little sister..... that made me melt. I'm an only child and i've ALWAYS wanted an older brother. You would be my perfect big brother... BUT WHY!!!!!!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU?? THIS SUCKS!!! If I ever officially called you my brother, marrying you would be out of the question. I would be voulentarily saying that I would never love you "like that"....and then after you break up with your 'sugar mama' I would still not have a chance, and you would go and find someone else. I don't know what to do..... screw you.
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| it's a long 'un |
[21 Dec 2009|05:01am] |
D,
It’s not like this is the first time something like this has happened, but it’s certainly the last. It’s been almost five months since we last spoke, so it’s not anything new. It’s really nice that you blocked me on AIM, though. I could tell because I went on your Facebook page one day, looked at the info section, and it listed you as “online,” but you weren’t on my list. So I asked another friend if you were on his, and when he said yes, I knew that I had been blocked. Facebook, too. Ever heard of Online Now? I can see you, but I’m no longer obsessive about checking if you’re on anymore. I don’t really care.
But really. I “can’t treat people however (I) want when (I’m) pissed”? You know, there were many points were you treated me like crap and you weren’t pissed. I never appreciated the little jabs you took at me, even if they seemed innocuous. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize my clothes didn’t fit right and didn’t flatter me because I didn’t know, plus I wanted to believe I was still that size. Now, even after I’ve lost all that weight I’m never entirely sure what fits and what doesn’t, and your words come back. And I’m so sorry that I don’t know how to put on makeup or what the right color is for me. And that it looks like I don’t have eyebrows sometimes. Why not just tell me that I’m fat and ugly instead of all that? Not that that would have hurt any less; of course it would hurt more, but at least I’d know what you really think. I know I’m too sensitive sometimes, but I really can’t help it. You should know that, of course, but you never fully internalized that fact.
And I “don’t know how to be friend”? I guess I imagined all of those times when I was there for you, whether it be driving you everywhere and anywhere you wanted and at times needed to go, comforting you after you had been dumped by your first serious boyfriend, listening to you talk about all sorts of problems you were having, and bringing you food for lunches from my two crappy jobs. And then there was that summer when we first became friends. Did you completely forgot the days and nights we spent together, bouncing back and forth, staying at my house one night (or even two), yours the next, then back to mine, and then yours again? Even at the time I knew that everything would be different the next summer, because I knew things would change, so I enjoyed it as much as I possibly could. The changes, of course, would not be in our friendship, but in our situations, because we each got a job and subsequently worked a lot, and you had your first stupid long-distance relationship at that point, which caused our first real fight/extended argument/vehement disagreement. Whatever it was. But this is beside the point.
It feels like I was always doing more. I was always the one agreeing to go out late at night when I should have been trying to work on getting on a good sleep schedule. And then there were all those times where you stayed at my house until midnight, on your laptop, on our wireless internet doing nothing on school nights because you didn’t want to be around your mom. Granted, she isn’t easy to deal with, but that’s still too late for someone who had to get up just after eight to pick YOU up and take you to class, who’s tired all the time anyway and because of the late hours was not getting an adequate amount of sleep. I sacrificed sleep so you could get away from your mom, but it’s not like it was ever something I was thanked for. And once you met your now-fiancé, you very easily ditched me to spend those nights with him instead. I wasn’t really happy about not being around you as much, and I still had to take you home for awhile, until your mom accepted that you would be spending the night with your boyfriend. But I wasn’t unhappy when I didn’t have to go out just to get you and take you home because your mom didn’t want to and you needed to go back there. It’s not like I was too important anymore anyway once another guy came into the picture.
I know what I did wasn’t the right thing to do, and I know I shouldn’t have done it. But, you know, it’s not like you never turned me down or didn’t want to go somewhere. I can’t even count the times on one hand that I wanted to go out and you didn’t. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with this, except it happened all the time. I really had no one else to go out with, and I certainly couldn’t go alone. But then you said that seeing two of your friends happy made you depressed and if you felt like it on Friday you wouldn’t want to go out. So how is this different? How is my cancelling of plans with friends different from you deciding yet again that you don’t want to go downtown Friday night with me? And why is it that you’re allowed to feel depressed because your then-boyfriend-now-fiancé was out of town and you stayed with two friends who happened to be a happy couple, but it's oh-so-different when I feel depressed over seeing you and your then-boyfriend-now-fiancé happy? Cancelling plans is okay for you to do, but it’s not okay when I do it, I guess. But, really, do you want to know what I had been doing when I sent that text? I had just torn apart my room looking for a part to the charger cord for my laptop. I stripped my bed of its sheets and threw my pillows at the door and pulled the mattress down so it was half off the frame at an angle, and I was leaning against it when my mom came up to check to see if I was okay. I wouldn’t object to anyone calling me crazy at that point because that’s what I was. My new meds hadn’t kicked in yet. It was hell.
I thought about getting into contact with you again about a week ago. The thought lasted for two seconds. Then I decided that too much had happened, and things could never go back to the way they were. Our friendship was great while it lasted, but I guess it wasn’t meant to last for very long.
As I’ve writing this I’ve been crying. There were a few points where I had to hold in my sobs because it’s almost three in the morning and I don’t want to wake up my parents. So don’t think I don’t care if that’s what you were to think, or that I’ve been just bitterly hammering this out. You’d probably cry, too, if you ever read this. But I don’t have the intention of sending it to you because this is over and I don’t want or need to start any drama up again.
There’s no question about it being over now. Maybe there’s the possibility of forgiving and forgetting in the future. Right now I’m too bitter to say anything more to you. Except that’s not really true. I have plenty of things to say, but, just like how this letter will never be sent, those things will never be said.
Have a nice life.
-Your former best friend.
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[20 Dec 2009|07:26pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Rolling Stones - Wild Horses |
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j-
i'll tell you that i think i'm giving up on us.
but you havent completely murdered my resolve yet.
let's just say that if i dont hear from you tonight or tomorrow, you will have killed it. and me too for that matter.
and i will be collecting my rum and my smiths cd.
and i will mourn everything that could have been, (not that i'm not doing that already) and listen to the aforementioned smiths cd on repeat. i might even crack into that bottle of rum too.
i just want to tell you that this is complete and utter bullshit. why would you give me such an amazing week, make me fall for you and then for the next three weeks act like you dont really care whether i live or die? what kind of person does that? i know that you work 60 hours a week and that your friend died, but come on. if you really wanted me around you'd show it, and you arent showing it at all. it's like i'm just carrying on with a zombie and it's breaking my heart. so...there you go.
there was really no need of this, no need of this at all.
thanks for nothing (probably),
a.
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[21 Dec 2009|02:48am] |
Dear R,
I know everything is screwed up for you at the moment. Inside. I know that feeling. I understand the feeling of feeling so helpless and unable to help one’s self despite the opportunities being there. I’ve being there. I still get like that sometimes. I just wish I could make everything better. I wish I could you and let you cry and tell you everything will be okay because when I was with you, holding your hand, somehow I felt things would be alright. I wish things could go back to the way they were. I was so content most of the time. I…ache for you sometimes. I thought I was getting better but then after we made love all the feelings I’ve suppressed since you didn’t want me anymore came rushing back. I know how pathetic I am for liking you. I should hate you for how you spent the majority of our relationship obsessing over another girl’s journal and then dating her within a month of us breaking up. But I don’t. I’m stupid and blind.
I would of gone to japan with you. I thought that was going to be my happy ending. Apparently not.
Love,
S
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[19 Dec 2009|07:34pm] |
Dear Mom,
I'm 18, but I'm not an adult. I can act like one, I guess, be independent and do things and all that, but if I had a choice I would never do anything alone.
So, thanks for letting me still be a kid around you. Thank you for driving us to the library, supermarket, wherever. Thanks for letting me sleep on the same bed as you sometimes. Thanks for being there to give me your opinion whenever I need it. Thanks for never wanting me to grow up. I love you.
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| oh sweet lord |
[19 Dec 2009|04:50pm] |
Dear sleepy,
As I sit on the couch, i think to myself... I think I really want t have kids now, and maybe just maybe I could do it with you. Its far too early to tell. But what can I say? I think it would be nice.
Sincerely,
Me
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| And I sit here, eating yogurt |
[19 Dec 2009|04:26pm] |
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mood |
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Dear Y,
Thank you so much for helping me with my little stunt yesterday. The ideas, the advice, the cues and timing, the little nudge...
T'was epic. T'was all epic.
And thanks to you, I know what it feels like to give a special someone a gift. I tell you, it feels awesome. It somewhat impairs the ability to focus, but it feels awesome.
Now, I need help with expressing my gratitude to you. Thank you again!
Love,
That friend who had no gift ideas
Dear E,
Glad to know that you liked the little paperweight-dish-plaster of paris thing that I made for you.
(Your happiness completed the night and made the rest of this school year for me. <3)
Season's greetings!
Love,
She Who Wears Retainers
Dear I,
So the resident Dance Dance Revolution master has been bullying you since first grade (as you claim)?
Why don't you just ignore the guy? If you answer back to anything he says with an angry and serious voice, he'll turn it into a debate. And the guy loves debates.
Um... love (?),
That one person who calmly brushes off all the E-related questions
P.S. When he said "All the prizes should be ours!", he was probably joking. He may be sharp-tongued and mean (to you at least), but he's not selfish. Really, he isn't.
Dear Math teacher,
:D
(Though I'd also like a passing grade in Algebra for Christmas, but whatever. :P)
If you'll really get me a present, Sir, please do not give it to me in class. The section monitor will kill me six ways from Sunday with her monitor's folder, and rumors will spontaneously arise like mushrooms after a thunderstorm (or something).
A bit worried that you'll get her a goldfish,
The student with an unfortunately half-empty test paper
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[18 Dec 2009|06:56pm] |
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Katie,
I hope you have fun in Disney. I honestly think you and your parents are off your rocker flying there for Christmas, but you know, whatever floats your boat. Talk to you next year.
I don't like saying that. That's weird.
Love,
Your best friend
*********
Brandon,
Still keeping tabs? I promised you a dozen cookies, a candy cane, and...? A kiss?
Dream on, lover boy.
Yours,
Your summer fling
**********
Dear Senior All-Shore Band Auditions,
Your music is easy and I don't find you scary anymore. I eat auditions like you for breakfast!
I shook off all of those butterflies. I'm ready.
Can't wait to see you in January.
Sincerely,
A very relaxed trumpet player
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[18 Dec 2009|03:46pm] |
Why does it feel like you hate me? I haven't done anything for you to hate me. Yeah, we owe you fifty bucks but you said it's not a big deal and you don't mind waiting. Plus, you don't act like you hate her and she's the one who asked you for the loan in the first place... Not me.
I wish that you'd respond when I spoke to you, I wish that you'd make eye contact with me every once in a while, I wish that you appreciated the fact that I desperately want to help you build your business.
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[18 Dec 2009|05:15pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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Dear Herbert West,
You are REALLY hot.
Love,
N
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[18 Dec 2009|01:02am] |
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mood |
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Dear Boy,
First may I express my shock that you not only made contact with me after all this time, but also that you said that you loved me. I know that I always talked about how much I wanted to be loved and needed, but to be honest you just scared the hell out of me as I read that. I thought we both had moved on. The reason why I write to Unsent Letters instead of to you is that I cannot bring myself to say such hurtful things to you directly. I knew you loved me, but I hoped that by ignoring it, you would get the hint and back off with no outright rejection. I wish you hadn't told me you still love me. Do you know how awful it makes me feel? I know the pain of unrequited love myself and never wished to be the cause of it for another. You ask if I love you... I'm sorry, but no. To be honest I don't think I have ever loved someone romantically. But I also do not (as you suggested) hate or despise you. I see you as a friend. Although for a while now I have been deeply uncomfortable around you or even when talking about you, because I know how you see me. I was waiting for something like this to happen, and still I have no idea of what I should say back to you. I hope to think of something soon.
Until then,
Kate
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[17 Dec 2009|11:53pm] |
G,
I’ve been thinking about you a lot during this past week. I have no idea why that is, seeing as how I haven’t spared you a thought in months. Maybe it’s because of the holidays… or maybe because this is the time of year that I met you.
I can’t believe that it’s been almost 10 years that we would have known each other. The years were incredibly tough, and I honestly don’t know if they were worth it. The pressure you put on me during that time was incredibly unfair to me. I’m sorry that you aren’t happy with your life; I’m sorry that you even considered suicide as the answer. But how do you think I felt, every time you sent me a suicidal poem or threatened to do it? I was 12 years old and scared, trying my best to change your mind every time you wanted to commit the deed. I can’t even begin to tell you about how many times I was worried that I’d get home from school and find out that you had actually taken your own life.
In my diary, I described you as my soul mate. Now, I can’t even imagine what it was about you that made me so attracted to you. I think that you hurt me most of all when you chose her over me. For the longest time you had told me that you wanted to marry me and spend the rest of your life with me. But one argument and you not only don’t talk to me for a year and a half, but move all the way across the country and get engaged? It wounds me so deeply to think that I gave you all of me and it wasn’t enough for you.
Even though you were engaged, you told me that you loved me and how you wished you could leave your fiancée and start over. Those words gave me hope at the time, but I should have known that they were empty promises like the rest of the ones you made me. Even if you did follow through with all of the things you said you would do, how could we have really been happy? You complained about your fiancée behind her back all of the time; what would have stopped you from doing the same thing to me? Or seeing another girl behind my back, like you did to S?
I think I needed to realize that you are a user. I don’t think you mean to be, but you use the fact that you had a rough childhood to get sympathy out of people. I fell for it until you walked out of my life for a year and a half, and I used that time to grow as a person. I got a job I love, made real friends, and realized that I can take time to put myself first and that’s okay. This is something I never felt when I was with you; every time we talked it was all about you. Most of the time you couldn’t even be bothered to ask me how my day was or how I was doing. You dictated the conversation, and it always seemed like you talked AT me instead of TO me.
I eventually wised up and started moving away from you… something you finally noticed when it was too late. In one of the last voice mails you left me, you asked me why I never talked to you anymore. The answer I couldn’t give you is that I can’t let my heart be broken anymore. You took my love, my life, and my innocence and shattered everything into a million pieces. I don’t know if I can pick all of the pieces up.
I don’t want to think about you anymore. I don’t want to keep rejecting men who are interested in me out of habit, knowing that you’d be upset. I don’t want to keep comparing every prospective date to you. I don’t want to hope that even though I’ve changed my number and moved, you’ll find me somehow and beg me to take you back. If I was a weaker woman, I probably would do anything you asked me to. But I’m not that shy, insecure girl you first met anymore. I have inner strength and more self-assurance than I could have ever hoped for.
Even with all that happened between us, I do hope that you find happiness in your life. I think that if I met you on the street, I’d be able to sincerely wish you well and give you a smile. You deserve everything this world has to offer. It’s just now that I’ve realized that you don’t deserve a life with me in it. I was the best thing that ever happened to you, and I wish that you would realize that.
One day, I am certain; I will be able to stop loving you. No matter how long it takes.
-A.
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| Dear Universe... |
[18 Dec 2009|01:37am] |
To: Whoever controls the universe...
Life's never the way we imagine it and it's never as wonderful as it is on TV. Why do you taunt us humans with the ability to dream; to imagine, when 50% of the time we fail to even come close to achieving out goals? Why do you play with our heartstrings, make us bleed and then let us continue on the way we've always been going, wounded and stumbling? It's a cruel game that hurts too much for words.
I have no solution. I only thought I'd point out how unhappy the whole situation makes me.
Thanks,
S
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[17 Dec 2009|09:54am] |
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Dear scene kid with the beanie,
I think you're absolutely gorgeous. Even though my friends don't think so at all.
I also want to talk to you and get to know you,but I don't know what your friends would say
I'm pretty sure we're polar opposites;
You're a loud skater while I'm the quiet raver
You're a pot head while I'm a E head
You like big groups...I can only stand being around one other person
But despite all of that, I still want to get to know you somehow
My friend said you'd be good for me
But In the end I bet you're with some pretty girl who likes to talk about bands
X'S,
The chick with the frog backpack
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[17 Dec 2009|03:32am] |
i don't even really want to say your name,
i hate the fact that even 6 years later, the holidays are tinged with a hint of anxiety and shame. all because you were so stupid.
thinking back over that period of time in my life, i've reached a lot of conclusions. i was never left in hindsight with the impression that you were (are) a bad or evil person. do i think you are painfully sexist? absolutely. do i think you embody all of the prejudice and cruelty and ignorance that your father was so proud of? definitely. but i don't think you are evil or malicious. i think you were mean, i think you were manipulative, and i think you were insensitive. it's easier for me to continue thinking those things about you, too, actually-because if i didn't, i would give in to that general tendency i have to want to forgive and find the good in people and make amends and befriend the very people who have hurt me most in life. but you are the exception. you are the straw that breaks my back.
it makes me cringe to think about the day after christmas 2003, because when i think about it, all i can think about is everything you took away from me that afternoon (and i don't believe that anyone should ever have that much power over me). but it's true. i didn't give those things up, and definitely not willingly. i feel to this day that they were robbed from me, that they were snatched hurriedly and without warning, and it has left me scarred ever since.
since that cold afternoon, i'm an entirely different person. i'm someone who feels dirty every time she has sex, who can't enjoy sex, who can't allow herself to submit to pleasure, let alone communicate it. i can't be kissed on my neck anymore without it being hard for me to breathe. where there once was a girl who was happy and confident and surrounded by friends, there is now a young woman who consistently second-guesses and guards herself and isolates herself, because she believes that she will always be hurt in the end, and no one will hear her cry. i can't own the good things about myself and i'm more willing than ever to accept the bad things about myself uncritically. my relationship with god is hanging by a thread, and i feel so numb inside about it that i don't know how to get it back. i feel a persistent fear of being anything other than, "fine" to my parents, because it was you who made me their, "sick child," even though they didn't really buy it anyway-and their blaming it entirely on you and dismissing the other things has hurt my ability to share with them. i'm a colder, angrier person than i ever used to be. when i should be happy, i wait for the other shoe to drop-i feel like that emotion is something far off for me, like it's a heat i can feel at the tips of my fingers, but i can't for the life of me just jump headfirst into it.
and i think about that time and even though i know it's not my fault, i still blame myself-i should have told someone, i should have fought harder. but the fact of the matter was that though that afternoon was the one instance that would be worth a police report, it was that whole time that got me to the point that i didn't believe my safety, my body, my purity and my sanity were worth protecting. and to this day, i'm ashamed of myself for ever being in that position.
you ruined my relationship with Joe. by using him as a weapon to bring me to my knees and do what you wanted (just to get you to stop rubbing him in my open wounds), you also bound me forever to him. i will always love him for my own reasons, but i feel when i'm with him like i'm damaged. not like i'm a strong person who overcame you, but who destroyed herself by running to you to get him out of my system. by telling me, "close your eyes, it will be over soon," to get me to stop crying as you took from me the first time, it was his face that i found there-it was the last place i had felt safe. and so every time, every time i closed my eyes, a part of my soul begged him to wake up, and to save me. and he didn't. and so i can't be his friend. i can try awkwardly, i can pretend to, but i can't. because when i look at him, i'm reminded that he never saved me, and wouldn't if i asked him to. and it makes me angry.
and i punish shawn for everything you did to me. i'm closed off physically and guarded emotionally. as much as i make myself vulnerable, part of me always believes that he will let me down-because it was you who taught me that that's what people do to me. they take me for granted, they hurt me, they bruise me. and i want so desperately to stop doubting him. but i'm that kind of girl who holds her breath anymore, who consistently waits for the other shoe to drop. you have taken perhaps my most precious gifts-my faith and my optimism. and i can't seem to track them down, and i can't get them back. because you have them. you have stolen from me in one moment my faith in my own intuition, my sense of perception and reality, my confidence in my talents and strengths, my faith in others, my sweet sensuality. and so even though i'm an authentic person, i still feel in some moments that i'm walking in a shell of the person i used to be. that while i am still nice, and still smart, and still funny, that there's a sense of restraint to it, and it will never approximate the freedom with which i let my hair down and loved myself before you did what you did.
and it goes against every fiber of my being, but i don't want happiness for you. i don't want to wish you well or be civil. as long as you still appear in my nightmares, as long as your name or your proximity makes my heart race and my breathing hard, as long as i feel the shame and anger i do each december, i will hate you, and i will want you dead. which i hate about myself, i really do.
i just wish you'd leave me alone, and i wish i could get back what you stole. because you don't even know the magnitude of your keeping it. it breaks me. you've broken me.
sincerely,
your "queen."
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[16 Dec 2009|07:55pm] |
Dear Sarah,
I'm so envious of your giving birth this week. The quilt I've made you is to be humorous and enjoyed but still it isn't enough. You are holding your child today. The world will forever be new seen through her eyes.
I stayed with my husband 28 years ago because he was the one who I wanted to father my children.
Didn't happen. The angst is so overwhelming, but useless to go over again.
You have made so many correct choices. I pray that your journey will be fantastic.
I'm afraid you won't let me be involved, that I won't be invited to babysit, that I will not be worthy... This time really isn't about me though. These are my fears, and I won't tell you any of them because you are surely allowed the joy of your motherhood.
Love you ALWAYS
B
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[16 Dec 2009|09:10pm] |
Dear J,
Hello, my friend. It seems we have come full circle. I feel a peace about you now that I never did before. First it was fun, then it was flirtation, then it was weird, then it was formal and cold, then it became fun again. Somewhere in between all those things, I thought maybe I was in love with you. Then you started dating her, and I saw what you were really looking for - a vapid, lifeless trophy wife. And it made me hate you. I told everyone you were a jerk, and I stopped talking to you, avoiding you as much as I could.
Then somewhere along the line, I began to forgive you. Your charismatic personality and warped sense of humor redeemed you as they always do. People, myself included, can't help but gravitate to you. Slowly but surely, we evolved back into the friendly, light-hearted relationship we had before. And then, before I even fully realized it, you became a real friend. The other day, when we had that long and serious conversation, I realized that we've not only come full circle, we've evolved into something even better than before. That day, I told you about my deepest and most secret dream. I've always had this fear that if I ever told anyone that I wanted to go to med school, they'd laugh me out of the room. I've always believed that I was not capable of realizing that dream, and in one day - one hour - you totally squashed that notion. The things you said to me were so encouraging and they completely blew me away. I never knew anyone believed in me that much, least of all you.
After we talked, you said you were glad to have planted a seed. My dear, you didn't just plant a seed - you gave me wings. You set me free from my own self-doubt. You gave me the most beautiful gift someone can give. That day is a day I will always remember with such clarity. On December 12, 2009, you changed my life.
I will be forever grateful to you. I've got a long journey ahead of me, and I know there are going to be times during these next eight years when I need someone to lift me up. In those times, I will always think of you and the things you have said to me. Thank you, friend. I feel alive now because of you.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I wish you a lifetime of happiness and love!
All the best,
Me
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| Dear H, |
[16 Dec 2009|08:59pm] |
I wish you'd just marry me already!
:3
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| remember those walls i built? <3 |
[16 Dec 2009|05:03pm] |
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mood |
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 jubilant |
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to my girl,
i've been missing you so hard, and i don't think you know how much effort it took to approach you today. i love you. you're the best friend i've ever had, and you're so wonderful that it just makes me ecstatic to know what we can continue to be friends, despite my faggotry. i love you. i respect you. i practically worship you, but that's creepy. so i don't but i would if that were a religion. you're just so amazing. but enough butt kissing. to the point of my letter:
thank you so much for understanding. thank you for persevering through my awkward stutter and poor wording. i'm so, so, soooooooooo sososo happy that you accepted my second apology, that it has erased eight months of pain. eight months of depression, of angst, fear, tears and self-loathing. i'm so terribly sorry that i ever lost you. i'm never going to make that mistake again.
and to make sure i don't, i want this to be the beginning of a new level of friendship between us. a friendship where we can tell each other how we're feeling, and what about the other may have made us upset. i want this to be forever. because you're my best friend. and i need you. i know that now.
you're the best. <3
with love,
the first worshipper at your temple >w<
* * * * * *
to captain horrible,
seriously? i haven't done anything to you. like, shut up. if you don't like me, tell me so to my face and get over it. i don't need to hear you stage whispering bad things about me from across the room. it's childish and stupid. what i did was a harm against her, not you. and i know that a good friend understands another's pain and all, but you don't need to go to the extent of putting words up in her mouth. that's not friendship, that's ridiculous.
and for the record? i don't like you. not any more. not now that i've seen what a jerk you can be. i still don't understand how you can get a girlfriend.
piss off;
that bitch who doesn't believe in global warming.
* * * * * *
to mum the great,
i love you. seriously. thank you for dealing with my tears and sobbing rambling for the past few days. and thank you for being my psychologist for five minutes. thank you for helping me get to the root of this, and thank you for showing such an interest. thank you for offering to take me to the doctor. thank you for letting me cry and snot onto your shoulder. thank you for not being grossed out by that. thank you for giving me the talk i've been needing for at least four months. thank you for giving me the resolve to finally talk about my feelings.
but most of all? thank you for giving birth to me. thank you for being my mum. i'll never question your judgement again.
i love you so much,
your very humbled daughter.
* * * * * *
to my metal panda dragon, >u<
i know you don't love me. i don't think i love you either. but i do. i love you like an older brother. and i hope you love me like a little sister. i'm excited to work with you again this summer. and yes, i'm glad you got fired to be able to do it. :)
thanks for being there when i needed you, with out needing details or a full run-down of the situation. you're spectacular.
keep texting me with your hilarity,
your multi-levelled subordinate.
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